2 Month Checkup

Well the 2 Month checkup day was not my favorite. I ended up taking Kade for certain reasons and with him needing to go to the bathroom and Taylor screaming from hunger at the same time while the Dr. and I were attempting to have a conversation, I just knew this visit wasn't going to be pleasant. Taylor got 3 pokes which consisted of 5 shots and man she screamed her head off. She had also been having a lot of snot in her nose making it hard for her to breath and the Dr. told me to try some little noses or if I wanted I could make my own salt water and give her some drops at home. So we made it home and we had lunch and then I decided to put Kade in his room with a movie for nap time. Well I went to Taylor and gave her way too much water up her nose and she stopped breathing on me. It was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I sucked with the bulb every part of her nose and throat and she finally started breathing. It felt like an eternity that she wasn't breathing and I honestly couldn't tell you how long it was. She didn't turn blue, but she was pale from the shock of it all. I don't know if I could ever forgive myself for what I did. I cried all day after that happened and I think I cried before it even happened actually. I truly feel like the worst mother out there. I ended up calling 911 for them to come check her and they said she looked perfectly fine, but I was hysterical. It was me they were worried about. At one point when she wasn't breathing I thought it was the end, I know that sounds terrible, but I was terrified. I thought my life was over. I thought I had hurt my beautiful child and all I was trying to do was help her to breathe better so she could sleep.
I wasn't going to blog about this, but I thought maybe I can stop someone else from doing the same thing, but I'm positive no one is as stupid as I am. I am so glad my baby is ok. Her and Kade are my life. Without them I could not live. And my great husband was so sweet and has made me feel better about what I did, but there is no excuse for making me feel better, what I did was the worst thing ever. I guess by me writing about it is a way for me to confess that I am not perfect as a mother or at anything else. I know now though that I will not do anything to my children unless I am 100% sure what I am doing.

Well back to my babies Stats:
Weight 12lbs. 1oz
Height 22"
Head Circumference 38.5cm

I love my babies more than anything and the last thing I would ever want to do is harm them. I would rather it be me any day then them. I want nothing more for them in their lives but for them to be HAPPY!